EXPOSITORY ESSAY MAYBE MY FIRST LOVE Why do I care so much about you, after all you’ve done to me? I mean, you’re nothing really special, just another stupid teenage idiot. But you were always my idiot, and that’s what counts. God, I used to believe in you. I really did. But I don’t know what to believe anymore. You blew it, idiot. I hope you’re happy. Just when I thought everything would be okay, you threw it all away. You changed before my eyes. It’s like these last months meant nothing. I’m not gonna lie, this hurts like hell.
I’ve never hurt this much over another person. I want to be done with you. But I can’t say goodbye. This might seem backwards, but I don’t know what hurts more right now, the possibility that you never cared about me at all, or the possibility that you still do. I know you’ve moved on, moved on for good, but there are things you don’t know, things that I don’t show; things that I hide inside. I know to you it seems like I didn’t care, seems like I was never there, but there was never once a day that you didn’t cross my mind a million times.
And believe me, if I could go back, I would, but things are different now. Time caught up with us and broke us apart, because now you found someone else. But that’s not what bothers me. What bothers me is that you left me and that I left you, with words unspoken and a story unread. Words that are still trying to escape my heart and reach out to you, words that don’t notice that time has past; words that still have meaning. What bothers me is that you didn’t see the tears I cried and you didn’t know that I lied when I told you I was happy.
What bothers me is that you still cross my mind a million times a day and even when I’m sleeping, I can still hear your voice telling me how much you love me or how much you miss me and that’s the only time I’m ever happy. It’s when I’m reminiscing about you and dreaming about us. But when reality hits me, it just kills me. But the thing that bothers me the most is that all of this could have been prevented if I had just said something or done something, and the only thing that doesn’t bother me is that I’ve learned a valuable lesson; you don’t really know what you got until it’s gone.