As a young girl, I always thought that finding the right guy would be an easy job for me to do because I was given the right information about how a guy should and shouldn’t treat his woman or any woman at that. But as always, I was wrong because when it was all said and done, I was the one that ended up with a broken heart. Many imagine love as an unspeakable, on-going story that makes them feel complete, special, and dreamy. Never once did they mention the aftershock that can be caused by love.
However, though their impressions may be deceived after their first broken heart; most continue to look for that fairy tale, happy-ending love story, while the remainder of us, including myself, give up on love and the pain that comes along with it. It all begin with my senior year in high school; never did I expected to get my heart broken so soon; but I guess it was a part of the lesson that I was bound to learn. My broken heart was best described as if someone was holding me down so tight that I could not move or fight back while they beat me into pieces; I just took the pain and prayed for the day I felt good again.
I guess the reason why I felt that way was because I was so in love with that person. For an example, being in love with him, the way that I was, felt as if a flower was blossoming in my heart and I felt each petal opened; even in the winter I smelled the freshness of spring. It seem like my world had been crashed and shattered into little pieces and they were piercing through my heart. It hurt so bad that I wanted to scream to the top on my lungs for the world to hear.
For three months straight, I lay in the bed at night and cried all of my flaming and burning tears out until there wasn’t any more to let out. My body was so numb that if I would have gotten hit by a car, I wouldn’t felt a thing afterward. I felt as though I wasn’t alive, but my heart and brain was throbbing because I was broken up so bad in the inside. Nothing made sense to me and I reached to the point where I wanted to break rules at school and fight anyone who would come my way.
As days past, I tried to mend my broken heart, I felt as if I was sleepwalking through life with no reason or purpose. My life was filled with only greyish rainy days that made it seems like the entire world felt my pain and cried my tears. Day and night didn’t make any difference because of the dark, moody, grey clouds cover the sun that once represented the joy and the life that I had in me. Time crawled past me and everywhere that I look, people that I knew and loved look like strangers. I lost my sense of direction.
It wasn’t until I graduated from high school, did I think that I was completely over my real first love. But once again, I was wrong. I tried to move on completely by getting to know another guy. But that didn’t work because I finally realized, after three years, that I am still damaged from the first broken heart. I thought that I was over that horrible feeling; but when I actually took the time out and thought about it, my heart wasn’t healed because I was hurt very deeply. To this day, I tend to analyze things till the end of the world.
I do not only have to feel the pain and cry the tears but I also have to live with my mind that does not stop ticking. I’m continually asking myself questions like: Why? What if? Should I have? Will he? Where? Why? And I cannot be at ease until I know the answer to my questions. But as a growing individual, I have learned how to cope and finally let go of things that I cannot control. In conclusion, I’ve experienced the rollercoaster that love can take you on. And I have to admit that is does have its highs and lows.
It can be thrilling, scary, exciting and it can take your breath away and make you feel sick at the same time. But as of right now, I have to put love on the back burner because I do not want to experience the pain that it cause in my heart, which always feel like a dry twig snapped in two somewhere in my chest. I will always take my first broken heart as a lesson learned because now I stand before you, me and my beautiful, colorful heart, as a survivor because my heart is still beating its way to a life that is filled with happiness that it deserved.